Candi- Poison IV- The blonde one.

Name:

Candi Joneth or you can call me by my roller derby name; Poison IV – I wear a maniacal yet sexy nurses outfit and skate with one of those IV holders with the casters on the bottom.

Hometown:

Kansas City, MO

What is your favorite sport and why should I like it too?

Football! You should like it too because then we can watch games together and give each other mani’s and pedi’s, and curl each other’s hair, share clothes and eat bon bons. LOL!

What is the best non-store bought gift that you've ever received? (No, animals and babies don't count.)

For my birthday one year, Alex baked me a chocolate cake. Our apartment was really small and he didn’t have any place to hide it, so he hid it in the oven. I came home from work and preheated the oven to make dinner. Three hours later, I was still cleaning melted icing and burnt cake out of the oven. To this day, I look in the oven EVERY time I turn it on, even when I know there’s nothing in there.

In all seriousness, my wedding ring is a family heirloom and I still choke up when I look at it. Thanks Nanny Todd! I love you and miss you!

What did you wear to your wedding?

I had a beautiful top half of a wedding dress custom made and I wore it with jeans and white go-go boots. I also plan to wear this to my funeral one day.

Have you ever unintentionally embarrassed someone else?

Usually I embarrass people intentionally; I feel it’s more honest that way.

Although I do recall one time... I grew up on a small island in SC, mostly populated by retired folks, and so teenagers didn’t have a lot of recreational activities available to them. When I was in high school, I was a bit of a party girl and had mastered the art of hitting several keggers before curfew.

We discovered a wooded area between the parking lot of a hotel and the beach, and that became our primary party place. See, if caught drinking on the beach, beach patrol would take our beer and if caught drinking in the hotel parking lots, security would bust us, so this was the perfect place.

One night, after drinking much beer, I had to pee. The party had grown really large, so peeing in the woods was not an option for surely someone would stumble across me. So, I went to the parking lot of the hotel, dropped trou and squatted down between two SUV’s. Shortly after I started peeing, a family of five from Iowa came to get in their car. Of course I was peeing between their car and the next car. The mother saw what I was doing and instructed the rest of the family to wait at the back bumper til I was finished. I know I unintentionally embarrassed those nice people, although, surely this story stuck with them longer than their mere sunburns and tacky t-shirt souvenirs.

The worst part was seeing the headlights flash to indicate the car was unlocking, and not being able to stop because I was in mid-stream.

Do you have a blog or a website that you'd like to plug?

Nope. But when should I expect royalties from this interview?

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...Around the same time I become a famous blogger and you guys become so hypnotized by my prose that you can't help but click all the banner ads....which should be any day now.

Candi has given the most compelling reasons for watching football that I have ever heard but I find myself totally mesmerized by her embarrassing moment story. I too have unintentionally and intentionally embarrassed others by...ahem...doing or saying things that might push them out of their comfort zone. Sleeping students fall pray to the, "You're going to miss the bus" wake up technique all the time. But having someone see me pee has got to be in my top five greatest fears.

Geologists have to pee outside. It's an occupational hazard. It's also something that I was biologically incapable of doing when I was training to be a field geologist.

One notable field camp I was in the middle of nowhere New Mexico and I had an epic headache. Since I had come close to hospitalization due to dehydration on a previous trip I took advantage of an unexpected gas station visit to drink my body's weight in orange gatorade. My headache continued unabated but I discovered, unpleasantly, in the middle of the open desert, that I had to....ahem...tinkle. I tried unsuccessfully to find a hidden spot because THERE ARE NO TREES in the desert and so I urged my colleagues to go ahead and found a rock formation to squat behind.

I squatted. I waited. Nothing happened.

I just couldn't do it. A disembodied part of myself was hovering nearby and thinking, "You are pantsless in the desert. This is just wrong." I was too uptight to pee.

The urgency continued and I made another unsuccessful attempt to take care of business. Not a drop. Things were becoming very painful and my stupid headache was just making me more miserable. At this point I swallowed my pride and requested to one of my professors that we try to find a gas station soon before I exploded all over the 15 passenger van.

We went back to the previous gas station where I had made the unwise choice to drink more than my tiny hamster bladder could hold. I ran in, grabbed the key, sprinted to the dirty bathroom and......ripped my pants off. Literally. Busted the seam straight down the heiney like the Incredible Hulk (except he ripped everything BUT his pants.)

After about three minutes the reality of the situation started to sink in. I had no functional pants. All of my spare pants were in my tent, miles away at the KOA. I would have to leave the restroom and join my colleagues....pantsless.

Luckily for me Julie K. had a jacket she wasn't using that I could drape casually around my waist that would conceal my blowout from the herd of male geologists I was with. Unluckily for me when we returned to the KOA my tent had blown over....leaving me with no choice but to bend over and right it. -Sigh- It was a bad, bad day. At dinner I had a soda and realized that my headache, the cause for all of the ridiculousness, wasn't caused by dehydration but rather my addiction to caffeine.

Perhaps this is why I prefer skirts to pants?