Ask a Geologist

I'm a geologist and as part of my job strangers come into my office and ask me to help them solve all of their serious life problems in a matter of fifteen minutes. Doesn't make sense? Doesn't make sense to me either. Unfortunately no one asked me and this is a big part of my job.

Because I have some kind of innocent, Irish, non-threatening air about me I get people confiding in me all the time. And by "people" I mean "strangers" and by "confiding in me" I mean "telling me TMI everywhere I go."

The best part is that everyone needs an answer to their pressing life issues right away because...I don't know them...and they have other places to be. So it's not like I'm going to exchange numbers with them, mull things over with a cup of tea and then call them back with sound, well thought out advice. It's more like me blurting out, "You should tell her how you feel! Shit or get off the pot!"

So because I'm an expert we're trying out a new segment of LBAY called, "Ask a Geologist." My friend JP asked me, "What topics do you feel comfortable giving advice on?" The answer to that is, "None. I feel comfortable giving advice on zero topics. However, I will uncomfortably give you advice on any topic."

A anonymous reader writes, "I have trouble going out and doing things by myself. It makes me anxious. How can I get over this need to have other people do things with me in order to get out and do things?

Dear Reader...ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME??? No fair writing in first thing and asking me to solve a problem that I actually have. MOM IS THIS YOU??

Seriously though, I have a really hard time with this. One of my friends once told me that I needed to chill out. “People aren’t thinking about you all the time. Most of the time people don’t pay attention to what other people are doing,” she said. I would love to believe that but I can’t. My evidence is the fact that I am watching what other people are doing ALL THE TIME. It’s true that I rarely think, “Dude. That person is so weird.” (Except when the guy was buying the giant vat of baby oil at Kroger in the middle of the night and then he went and got into his tinted windowed rapist van. That time I was pretty judgey.)

I have four recommendations that work for me and perhaps will work for you as well.
First: break the seal with someone. Go to places or do activities that are familiar to you that you have previously been to with someone else then do things the way you did the last time. This will remove some of the discomfort because you will know the routine and the lay of the land. In the worst case scenario you can imagine your previous companion is there. It’s better than trying out a new place by yourself because you’re not taking on too much at once.

Second: Try to go to places that have structure so you don’t have to make too many decisions on your own. Movie theaters, fitness classes, volunteer opportunities…in all of these places some else is in charge who isn’t really you and you can participate with as little or as much interaction as you want. Plus everyone involved has a task to keep them busy so they won’t be looking around and wondering what you’re up to. Except for the movie theater these are also great places to meet new people.

Third: Fake it until you make it. They say that people with stutters can sing flawlessly. If YOU aren’t comfortable going to the beach by yourself perhaps the Beyonce version of you is. Dress up, listen to music that gets you pumped up and feeling invincible and strut your diva self over to where you want to be. This is how I get through public speaking. I don’t speak publicly…ever. Some imaginary super confident kick ass version of myself does all the talking. As Ben Folds would say, “I do the best imitation of myself.” Smile a lot. It’s easier than making small talk and it makes you appear more self-assured and approachable.

Four: This is a last resort but one that we all do, just go into any coffees shop and look around. Bring a safety blanket…and by that I mean an ipod, phone, book or laptop. Anything you can whip out that simultaneously entertains you and says, “Look, I have an awesome life. I’m just relaxing and/or working hard right now.” But don’t use that as a crutch or you won’t enjoy the place you’re trying to enjoy on your own. Bring the stuff and only use it when the urge to flee becomes overpowering.