SALSA

Salsa is easy to make and very good for you.
All you need is some good tomatoes, garlic, an onion, lemon juice, salt and a jalapeno.

First add a tablespoon of salt and a glug of lemon juice to the bottom of your food processor. Take the lemon juice bottle, a can, or something else sturdy, peel off a garlic clove and use the sturdy object to smash the Hell out of the garlic clove so the skins will pop off easily. This is my favorite part. Chuck as many cloves of garlic as you like into your food processor. I'm Italian so I generally dump in four. Now slice the stem off of the jalapeno and dump that in seeds and all. Add more jalapenos if you want. Just for godsake don't touch your eyes and go wash your hands. Once one my my friends got jalapeno ghost juice in his eye and I laughed at him. About five minutes later I did the same thing. It was awful. He laughed at me so we're even.

Whirr all of that together in the food processor until it's all chopped up. Don't breathe in the jalapeno fumes either.

Now add some of your tomatoes. If you're using normal sized tomatoes add 3. If you're using eyeball sized tomatoes add half the plastic thingy. Whirr these for a few seconds.

Peel and onion and quarter it. Drop that in with the rest of the tomatoes. Whirr it just long enough for the onion to be in reasonable chunks. You don't want big chunks of onion but you don't want to make everything into salsa juice either. Basically, you want it to look like salsa, which I'm sure you've seen before.

Eat a little bit to make sure the salt level is right for you and then put it in the fridge and let everything mingle for as long as you can stand. You can also eat it right away but it's better if it sits. That's it!