Ask a Geologist: Preventing Sexy Times

"I need advice about how to stay in middle ground between kissing and sex. Once I go past kissing, it's all over. Would love to read a blog you write about this topic"

Become a geologist.

J/K Lolz

You want to not get with your man? Well, you've come to the right place. As a nice Catholic girl who dated Catholic school boys all through high school I have totally got this down, ya'll.

First, go on You Tube and watch some videos of natural childbirth before every date. I'd link to one but that would mean that I might accidentally watch one and that's a deal breaker. I'd rather the logistics of that transaction just be a surprise. Babysitting is another option with the added bonus that you can earn some money at the same time.

If that doesn't work then you should go to Dollar General, Dollar Tree or some such place and by the largest, ugliest pair of underpants that will reasonably fit on your person. Large, plaid spanx would be ideal. If you are too embarrassed to make eye contact with them then those are the ones for you. Wear these to every date. It's like a rayon blend chastity belt.

I've read that some people recommend not shaving the things that you usually shave but I have never met a man who was deterred by such things.

In extreme situations you can just make sure you're always in a public place or on double dates but it sounds like even that might not be a limiting factor if you're so concerned that you're asking a geologist for advice. I mean seriously dude, you're asking a geologist for help on your sex life.

Another option is to keep him entertained with "sex light." Please don't make me talk about this. You can figure this part out. Right? Once again, I believe that YouTube could be of service.

I guess the adult thing to do would be to sit down with your man and spell out your expectations and concerns but seriously...that sounds awful....and you want to keep the kissing, right? Because at the end of the day you have to examine your motivation for not wanting to "go all the way." What are your terms? Spell them out. Write them in your unicorn journal. If you're really sure you don't want to do it until X time because of Y reason then it's easy.

Generally when people are so conflicted it means that something else is up. Do you not trust this guy? Are you afraid of commitment? Are you afraid that he's afraid of commitment? Are you worried that he doesn't want the same things you do in the relationship? What's up? I really feel like any guy that can't have a mature and honest conversation with me about his feelings or won't listen to me talk about my concerns is not a guy I want to hook up with. Take a picture of him because it'll last longer. Otherwise, there's always the chance that you're going to be stuck with him for 18 years.