Ask a Geologist

“What the hell do I call the guy who my mom's been dating for over 10 years now?

They seem a little...erm...mature to call him "My mom's boyfriend" and this morning there was confusion when I told someone that I was up at my mom's partner's cabin this weekend...the other person thought that my mom was gay...

Significant other seems a bit of a mouthful

Damn it, if they'd just get married, I could call him my stepdad.”

Good question. I’ve been wondering what I should call my future step-mother-in-law (You’re not my real mother-in-law!! You can’t tell me what to do!) and my sister-in-law’s sister’s adopted girl child (my niece-in-law). Other countries are much better at assigning specific names for weird family relations.

I really recommend calling them by their real name because you’re either:

a) a.Talking to them, in which case they probably answer to their name.

b) b. about them to someone who knows them and thus knows their complicated relationship to you. (Like your mom.)

c) c. Talking to someone who knows you and cares about you and already knows or will care about their complicated relationship to you enough to file it away for future reference. (Like a friend.)

d) d.Talking to someone who doesn’t know the complicated relationship but cares enough to prompt you with, “Now who is Roger again?” (Like a co-worker.)

e) e. Talking to someone who doesn’t give a shit and just wants you to get on with your story already. (Like pretty much the other 90% of people.)

Unless how he relates to you is a critical, game changing part of the story, (i.e. he hits on you or asks you for engagement ring advice) you can just assume that using his name is enough for this story.

Person A: What’d you do last weekend?

You: We went up to Roger’s cabin.

Probably they will be satisfied with this but if not…

Person A: Who is Roger?

You: This guy my mom’s been dating for a long time.

Somehow it’s simpler to describe the relationship when you don’t have to struggle for a real concrete noun.