Watermelon Popsicles
When I was at the grocery store I overheard a girl mention to her boyfriend that she had watermelon popsicles at home. I was like, "Man, that sounds awesome," and then I immediately forgot about it.
Later on that day when I was making dinner I saw that we had 3/4 of a giant seeded watermelon taking up the entire fridge and I thought I'd make so quick and easy watermelon pops at home. Here's the recipe!
1) Scoop out the watermelon into your food processor.
2) Blend the watermelon so it gets nice and liquid-y but not so long that you chop up the seeds into bits that will fit through your colander. You'll have to work in batches.
3) Balance a tiny colander precariously on a juice container and slosh your watermelon puree into the colander. Pour it towards you so you get a nice watermelon mist coating the front of your person. Set the food processor bowl down and make a big pink, sticky, puddle. This is also a really great way to attract sugar ants.
4) Stir the goop in the colander because you're impatient.
5) Repeat steps 2-4 eight more times.
6) Accidentally knock a glass bottle of balsamic vinegar onto your ceramic floor. WTH, Reader. You're skipping this step? I am starting to doubt your commitment to watermelon popsicles. Don't you hate when you're reading the comments or reviews for a recipe online and people are like, "Oh I made this and it was SO GOOD LOL ;) but instead of pickles I used white chocolate and instead of tomato sauce I used lard and instead of baking it I boiled it. YUMMO. Great recipe." Don't be that person. Shatter the vinegar bottle or the terrorists have won.
7) Pour the watermelon juice down your arm and kind of into your teen-iney plastic popsicle molds.
8) Wedge the molds into the freezer and get little drips of watermelon on everything.
9) At this point you'll still have a humongous pitcher of watermelon milk. It's pretty delicious mixed with seltzer but seriously not worth the eight previous steps and the fact that you are going to have to take a shower and mop the kitchen.
10) Wait til nightfall and bury the watermelon carcass in the back yard under the cover of darkness.
11) Forget that you made popsicles.
4 comments:
Ok, I totally LOL'd. I will make the popsicles, but instead of all those steps, I'll buy a box of frozen ones at Wal-Mart today.
Oh, this is a great recipe. But I did alter the instructions... instead of knocking over the balsamic vinegar,I knocked over a bottle of 151 rum and half dumped into the watermelon mixture. Instead of freezing them, I placed on baking sheet and heated for 10 minutes at 475. Then drizzled with EVOO and let me say...YUMMO. When finished, I buried my annoying next door neighbors carcass in his own backyard, left the drunken 151 EVOO infused "meltsicles" on his doorstep and called the cops.
Once I had dumped the rum into the watermelon juice I think I would've called it a day.
I seriously laughed out loud when I read this at work. Thank you. I love you. So glad you are in my life. ox
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