Ask a Geologist: Seriousness

Well, I have this, uh, friend, and she's had some neurological problems in the past as well as some auto-immune stuff. She's in reasonably good health right now, but she's letting the fear of more problems rule her life.

She's afraid to get a job. She's usually a fairly outgoing person, but she's just moved to a new town, and she's lonely sometimes b/c she hasn't gotten involved.

She's a little skeevy about driving b/c of the aforementioned neuro stuff as well as the fact that her new home is very rainy--which can be scary to drive in.

Does the Geologist have any advice for my, um, friend?

Tell your friend I said not to waste her time. And by that I don't mean, don't both getting a job or making friends. I mean, SEIZE THE GD DAY! Get out there and kick life's ass. As Childish Gambino says, "We're here for a good, not a long, time."

If Friend wants to get a job she should get a job that makes her happy and that she enjoys. (Or she should volunteer! Which is like a job but it makes you feel more content/smug.) If Friend wants more Friends besides you...who might actually be her...then Friend should go ahead and do that.

It is hard to overcome this kind of fear. It is sometimes hard or impossible to just "suck it up." That's not really an option. I recommend that Friend start small and just work her way in to it. The problem with jobs is that they expect you to be there quite a bit and they get touchy about things because they are paying you. Volunteering would be a good fit for Friend because she could have a flexible schedule, meet new people and possibly do something that would help take her mind off of her problems. There is always someone worse off than you, as they say.

I went to hear someone speak this weekend who said something that I thought was incredible. He said that when he has a problem with something, like he's feeling jealous or worried about money or something like that, he goes out of his way to do the opposite of that thing. When he's worried about having enough money he donates to charity. When he's feeling lustful he focuses on love instead. To that end I think that Friend should plan a party.

Not a big party...not a blowout shindig with catering and craziness...but maybe Friend should invite over a few people she'd like to get to know better for dinner and game night. Or even suggest to a new acquaintance that they go out to lunch. Maybe see if her guests would like to bring one of their friends too.

The driving issue is scarier and I'm loathe to give advice without knowing all of the details. I am imagining, since I know where you live, that pedestrianism and public transit are not really viable options. I might be wrong about that? I would have Friend talk to her physician to try and find out how real the danger is and if there is any advice for that. It's also a great time of year to take your car into a mechanic and have them make sure it's safe and ready for winter. Tires are a big thing in wet conditions.

In my old age I have gotten more aggressive about making friends. You just have to! But I have found that people are really more interested in hanging out than I give them credit for. I'm always hesitant to invite a new person to hang out or to try and convert and acquaintance to a friend but it always works out great. I find that everyone is a little shy about things like this. Just meeting someone for coffee or shopping is a great icebreaker that's low pressure and has plenty of room for flexibility.

Don't forget Friend of Friend, that you and I met while I was meeting someone I had only talked to on the internet. She brought you for support and the three of us took off like a greased frictionless object boosted with rocket power. We've been friends ever since. Friend should use you as an example. Maybe you should tell Friend the story of how you met your husband. ;)

I want to challenge Friend to hang out with one new person and volunteer for one cool thing before Christmas. It might not sound like much but you'd be surprised how these things have a way of snowballing.

Ask a Geologist

“Is it better to take medicine that makes you miserable and feel like shit or to just be fat? I'm struggling with this question right now!”

Oh man. Do I ever feel your pain on this one. I have to say that it’s up to you and would have a lot to do with your overall health.

So if these are magic meds that make you feel nauseous and headachey and just schlubby overall that make you thin and nothing else then there’s that. Or if they make you feel bad, lose weight AND cure other serious ailments that you have then that’s totally different.

If someone offered me a pill that would make me look great but feel like absolute shit for a week I think I’d probably take it. If made me feel bad for a month, well, I guess it would depend on your definition of absolute shit but if I could still manage to sleep and go to work I think I’d still probably take it. If the giver of the pill could not with certainty describe how long I would have to take it in order to achieve gorgeousness I’d probably pass. I’d rather feel healthy and be healthy than look healthy. What fun would it be to look like a model but be stuck with a heating pad on the couch all day? That’s just me though and depending on my hormone level I might take that back.

Most of the pills I am on are treating some other endocrine thing that’s wrong with me and not specifically geared towards me losing weight. Most of them don’t make me feel better or worse. Once again I think I’d have to look at the length of time vs the results and weigh that.

But the real thing is that you are struggling with this question right now and using language that suggests that you’re pretty fed up. I would recommend talking to yourself and loved ones to decide what is more important to you feeling good or looking good and then ASAP meeting with your doctor and having a very frank discussion about what you want and need and what your options are. If your doctor is not up to this then move on to another one. This may require use of a bossy tone and big girl panties.

There are some cases when the meds that make you feel bad are simply non-negosh. Ask your doc for ideas about how to alleviate the side effects or figure out how you can get off of them in a timeline that works for you.

Thyroid problems run in my family and I was pretty certain that I had one but my GP refused to discuss it. In fact, whether I was in for a sore throat or a tick bite all she wanted to talk about was breast feeding. (Which is awesome and all but I don’t have any kids. At all. And I don’t want to breast feed strangers.) So she wrote me a referral to talk to an endocrinologist who I went to and that lady double my meds without giving me any blood tests. The happy ending is that I found my own endocrinologist who actually listens to me, speaks to me at my level and adjusts my treatment plan based on what I’m up for. I had to bite and kick and make charts in order to get to this point but it was worth it. Be honest with yourself about what you want, need and can handle and then armed with that find a doctor who will work with you.