Ask a Geologist

dear miss mess,

how can i justify being on either team jacob OR team edward when they are at least 15 years younger than me and fictional?

- miss bat

Man, I really want some root beer. I don’t know why but this question gave me an overwhelming craving for root beer. Like I can practically taste it.

The good news for you, Cougartown, is that Edward was born in 1986 and Jacob was born in 1992 so there will be no crimes committed if you successfully manage to hit either of that. This doesn’t mean you can justify getting with them but it does make it easier for you to be on their team. Just be aware that you won’t really be a teammate, more like one of those retired coaches that just sort of hangs around to say pithy things like, “Boys get out there and do your best!” That’s enough to get you into the locker room though…which you might be ok with.

The whole FICTIONAL thing actually works in your favor because it’s imaginary so you can imagine yourself about 15 years younger or them about 15 years older. I mean seriously dude, go imagine the Hell out of that. I would recommend going ahead and imagining yourself younger because otherwise your fantasies might get cluttered with why Edward never remembers to charge his iphone over night and how Jacob keeps all of his tax information in a shoebox which is just deplorable.

The real question is how anyone who has read all of the books would even still consider that there are two teams. Because clearly, everything is explained and decided on in the last book so it’s kind of a moot point. I mean, even JACOB wouldn’t be Team Jacob after that. It’s really very simple.